Anica

In your rituals, power lies in the abuse. I open my mouth, and you use me. I open my heart; it's useless Yet, I'm your muse. Like an object of your desire. Whatever you require, my master. I'm hopeless beneath this fire. Back in time,  I fell in love with a psycho at first sight. A dangerous liaison, pleasure meets pain. Feelings evolve into chains. I'll behave as long as you are mine. I'll behave until I can no longer breathe either stand. I'll behave with careful fear and dead devotion.

There is no way out, No way in, This pain I carry within. Down my sacred belly. Too young to be a wife. Too scared to be a whore. Too profane to be adored. I'll eat your heart. I endure this pain. I breathe in. I breathe out. A sin. It's unbearable. I despise you all. Your precious milk. Your unwanted lava. Will perish beneath my vulva. The pain lingers on. Deep in my womb. I succumb to it. A single cut. Let it hurt this endless bleed. As a song for baby-o unborn. As a rose with thorns. As a woman should Choose. Gratefully.

He vanished for a smoke and never came back. What's a girl to do with that? Should I wait my agony in silence? Or seek delight in the shadows instead? He went for his self and never crawled back. What's a woman's purpose, fall flat? Should she keep doors aside for haunted ghosts and regrets? Or suck the light in with dread?  Over broken promises and cigarettes, I stand, with another, at my hands. The sun, in all his glory, didn't come to me, even though the shadow did, quite fast, indeed.  By now, my love has gone to rest. In this desolate land, a memory of the past. A barely lit path. I went for cigarettes and never came back. Loveless, apart. Bless his heart.

At last, my lover has returned. He said "come over and leave him behind. It's time for our sun to shine." At least, my lover has replied. He whispered "baby, not tonight. Perhaps, another time." If true love waits, It is meant to be. I'm lost forwards. Until you release me. His warm embrace, His sardonic face, Still lingers on, in time  And space. It echoes with the others  I take In your place. Into silent movies frames. Our love unravels and remains.

I miss this felling. This particular feeling of being spaced out With you.  To feel the black hole in the sky  Till the end of the night On a ketamine high. To feel the gravity beneath my feet Making multiple lines meet On a ketamine peak. I miss this felling. This particular feeling of being weighted down With you.  To be adrift, down the rabbit hole.  With you by my side.

My daddy is miles away. Even though, he takes care of me in a very special way. You try to charm me. Willing to play daddy's part. Yet, you are not reliable and steady. And there is no spark. All talk and no game. You kiss like a twelve year old, and Your desire to possess me is tame. In this hollow aim, I feel nothing but shame. It's time for we to grow old and do some shit.